Well, it's clearly been awhile since I blogged. So much has happened and I am flying below the radar. I have certainly been avoiding any and all unnecessary contact with anyone. I apologize for that. I am starting to feel less numb and I am starting to feel like feeling better. I have been keeping a journal for myself, and I have been to see a counsellor. I have started to call more of my friends and I am managing to keep a lot of energy for work. Whenever no one is counting on me for anything,....that's when I feel the grief the most. I am finding ways to compartmentalize it. I think it's healthy, so long as you don't keep it all compartmentalized indefinitely. There isn't a day that goes by ,though, that I don't replay some part of my Dad dying. I can see it all so clearly. Every last minute. I can feel it all when I close my eyes. I hear everything, I see everything. I can recall any moment from the entire numb week that I spent in Winnipeg. Up until he died. Then, I remember some parts, but I wasn't as present after. I am writing this just because it helps. The more I express it, the less it hurts. I think.

I'm mostly thinking about all the lovely, wonderful people who have helped me. The support has been tremeandous. From Glen, the next-door neighbour, to all my family. I have appreciated any little bits of help. From words of kindness to all forms of communication. It has come from unlikely and surprising sources. I am very thankful. It is really necessary to be able to count on others when you are entwined with grief.

This whole experience has made me understand other people better. We all grieve, we all have tragedy, and we all have to listen to each other. I am proud to say that it was my Dad who taught me that.